Daughter of the Grey Jedi
by Fangirltbh
Summary: Padmé, a young prodigy, with two Force-users as parents. She has little knowledge of her strength. Until now. The Darkness overwhelms her but there's something in the Light that also tempts her. Which side will she conquer?
1. Chapter 1

**I know it's been a while but here it is (a spinoff of my spinoff) if you guys don't like I won't continue with the story.**

* * *

I was living in a dream, or was it nightmare?

Xach was sitting next to me in silence.

We usually never spoke on the Falcon.

"Mom, are we almost there?"

"Yes, we just need to go to light speed."

Xach rolled his eyes.

"What?" I snapped.

"You've asked that like eight times now."

My lip twitched, looking for a remark.

"Don't give me your dad's scowl."

"I don't do that."

He got up. "Yes you do, you do it all the time."

He walked up to where my mom was piloting.

I folded my arms, huffing. Xach was twenty-five and my parent's favorite.

He was perfect in every way and was supposed to be the example.

I was nineteen. I remember kids used to wonder how I was my parents child, thinking he was instead.

I feel like I am a mix of both of them. I have Mom's smile, Dad's eye color but that's about it. I don't like to find resemblances.

Xach had been living with us since he was seventeen so my dad could teach him some tricks and now it seems like he's a part of the family. I hate it. He was also my Great Uncle's apprentice. What happened to "he'll just stay with you for a bit"?

He was taller than me by a head and had dark brown hair that seemed to thicken every time he ran his hand through it. When he first came, his hair was short and spiked; now it was almost at his shoulders. His little Jedi used to stick out under his ear but now it was nowhere in sight.

I fixed my dress that my mom chose out, shifting uncomfortably. This was one of the longest trips Dad took. He's been gone for three months and we were finally seeing him.

Mom landed the Falcon and stood up from the pilot's seat.

I got up when she began walking towards me.

"Oh, I love that dress on you."

I gave her a smile and dropped it the second she turned around. This damn thing was constraining my last bit of air-and patience. Ruffles and lace were making it impossible to move.

My hair was up in its usual twisted ponytail, with three ties to hold the length. I was never allowed to have my hair down as long as it was nighttime because my Dad thought it was distracting and got in the way of training.

Xach was the first to step off the ship followed by my mother and I.

My father was waiting, smiling.

He walked over to my mother and kissed her. "I missed you."

"I know."

He looked up at Xach and hugged him and began discussing the Force training he last spoke to him about.

I looked away awkwardly.

I noticed over my Dad's shoulder a woman of shorter stature with a complicated braid on her head walking over to us.

"Grandmother!" I cried out.

I ran over to her and she opened her arms to me.

"Padmé, I've missed you. You always seem to grow every time I see you. And I-wait, what're you wearing?"

"Mom chose it out."

Grandmother smiled. "That makes sense. Let's go inside, hm?"

Surprisingly, my grandmother understood me more than my own immediate family.

She's been through it all and that may be why she understands me so much. Having a General and a Princess as a grandma is kind of awesome. She's also known the Force for years.

"I know what you're going to ask and please don't."

"What?"

"Great grandchildren. Ask Xach. Not me. Ever again."

Xach was like the child my parents never had. The child they wanted.

My grandmother sat down. "But what about-"

"Nope. Don't, please."

My family walked in and my Dad was looking directly at me.

My grandmother got up and walked up to my mom and Xach. My father strode up to me.

"You look...great."

"Thanks."

He chuckled. "Your mother?"

"Yes."

I tried to not look him in the eye. Usually if I avoided his gaze, he wouldn't know.

"That won't work."

Crap.

"What's wrong now?"

I looked at him disgusted. "What do you mean 'now'? Was there a problem before?"

I knew my father suspected something wrong with me, that I wasn't his perfect child. His perfect Xach.

"No that's not what I meant. Tell me what's troubling you."

I relaxed and turned away. "Nothing."

"Padmé-"

"I'm just not feeling good. It was a long trip."

He got to my ear. My blood went cold.

"I know when. You're. Lying."

I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head a little.

He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, pulling me into his arms.

"You can tell me anything that's troubling you. I'm your dad, you know?"

I hugged him back. "I know."


	2. Chapter 2

I took off the dress and threw it to the ground once I got into my guest room.

It was a green gown, almost resembling the forest in a way.

My mom even made me wear makeup. I wiped it all off and threw the wipes to the ground.

My lightsaber was with my mom and if I had it, this room would be destroyed. Xach could come in his casual clothes. Why wasn't I enough?

I felt the darkness creep in the back of my mind again.

I fell to my knees and grabbed at the carpet, holding back a scream. My blood was boiling up my arms and my head pounded.

It felt horrifying but for some odd reason, after it left I was addicted to the feeling of it in my head.

That's what I haven't been telling my parents and I hide it so well.

I've been on and off with the Dark side. I don't know why. I've learned about both sides and to accept them. Both my mother and father never chose a side. They defend the Force together.

But I want more of this new feeling, and I know I shouldn't. My parents have warned me of what comes if you follow the Dark side.

When I slept, I could never tell if it was going to a nightmare or a good dream.

I fell asleep anyways because I was numb from the crying and the pain I felt all day.

 _I wiped at my cheek before pointing a saber down at someone._

 _We were running from old ships my father talked about. TIE fighters?_

 _I tripped and landed in the next scene._

 _I stood up and saw his eyes. There were dark, almost black but very mysterious._

 _"Beautiful eyes," I said._

 _I was looking down at something and watched myself cry._

 _"No!" Someone screamed._

I sat up. My hair stuck to the back of my neck.

I knew if I went to my father, he'd just say the same thing he always does. He gets it but I shouldn't be tempted.

I walked into the bathroom and wiped the tears and sweat away with a towel.

I banged my hand on the counter and looked up at myself. My reflection almost mocked me.

I ran out to the landing port where the Falcon was. The night breeze was welcoming.

My chest was burning and I noticed I was hyperventilating. I was never going to be enough for them. I wasn't their perfect child they wanted. At least they had that in Xach. How long did it take them to notice I wasn't in the little family reunion? They probably didn't.

I can't be myself as long as I'm here. They're holding me back. I'm weak in their eyes, I can tell.

Sometimes we should accept the darkness within us. I have an absence of light. Why do I need it anymore?

I went back inside and changed. I put my hair up and packed a bag full of credits, food, and clothes. I was about to leave my room when I forgot one thing: my lightsaber.

I groaned, dropping my loaded bag on the ground and tiptoeing out.

Their bedroom door was never locked yet tonight it was for some reason.

They knew! They knew all along!

My anger flared as I used the Force, hearing the lock click open.

My throat was dry. I slipped in slowly and felt around the room with the Force before I found it.

" _Now Padmé, I don't want you to do another one of your flare ups just because Xach says something stupid."_

 _"But mom-"_

 _"No. This is a vacation. We haven't seen your father in a while."_

 _I followed her out to the ship. "But if there's an attack? I need my lightsaber!"_

 _"Then I'll give it to you."_

 _My head started pounding. It was looming in the back._

 _"Oh so Xach gets to take his and be the hero all the time," I mumbled._

 _My mother spun around. "What?"_

 _I went up the ramp, ignoring her._

And there they were. Sleeping in bed together. My father had an arm over my mom's waist. I began creeping towards the 'fresher.

Why would she put it in a cabinet with the towels?

I plucked it out and began walking away when I heard movement.

I hid my signature so fast, it wasn't even funny.

I slid inside their closet and hid. Someone was awake. I could hear my heart ready to expose me.

Xach opened the unlocked door I left for him and turned the lights on.

"Ben! Rey! Wake up!"

My mother shifted in the sheets and my father rubbed his eyes.

"Xach? What the hell? Do you know how late it is?"

"Padmé's gone!"

She had him watching me like a hawk. She didn't trust me. Neither of them did.

Their bedroom door locked, her taking my lightsaber, him watching me. I can't believe these people.

My mother ran to the 'fresher and found what was missing.

"No..."

In my hand now.

My father got up and ran out, my mother right behind him. Xach stood there for a moment before walking in a circle and running a hand through his hair several times.

"Dammit."

He walked out.

I waited a few more minutes after Xach left. I heard the Falcon take off.

I walked out casually and went to my room to get my bag.

I knew I wouldn't get away that easily.

"How are you planning on leaving?"

A chill ran through me and I shuddered. When I turned around, my grandmother was standing with Xach.

I should kill him.

My lip twitched in fury. I was ready to end this.

"Padmé, I'll call your parents and we'll have this settled."

My grandmother walked away and I glared at Xach.

"How did you-"

"I heard you get up."

My chest was heaving. The only way out of this was with violence.

"I need to go."

I started walking away but he held out an arm in front of me.

"No. You're staying here."

I closed my eyes, letting a breath out before turning around. I dropped my bag and lifted an elbow back. I spun around, punching him in the gut and kicking my foot up behind his leg.

He was on the ground. I picked up my bag and stepped over him.

The front door slammed and locked in front of me.

I felt his arm go around my shoulders, pulling me back.

My body bent forward, flipping him over me.

He was back on his feet again.

Almost instantly he grabbed me by my arms.

"Stay. For me. Please."

Stay for a man that got everything I ever wanted? Stay for a man that the entire system adores?

I kneed him in the groin and he hunched over. My hand reached down for my bag before whamming him in the face with it.

My grandmother came back in, glancing between both of us. I gripped my bag tighter before sprinting out.

A stormtrooper confronted me as I ran out.

"Miss Padmé-"

I stabbed him through, picking up his blaster. A few more stormtroopers came running to the commotion.

I shot them down.

It was for the best.

I ran past them to the pilot's seat in my dad's shuttle.

Tracking had to be off. I hid my Force signature again and went off into lightspeed immediately.

I didn't know what I was doing other than following the Force.


	3. Chapter 3

I ended up in Naboo. It didn't seem full of crooks that would attack me.

I landed on the outskirts of a town, just on a hill above the palace. I climbed out and grabbed my bag.

* * *

The markets were buzzing with life. The Force was especially strong here. I whipped around when I heard someone call my name. No it couldn't be. Someone ran into me so hard, I fell to the ground.

"Oh my gosh are you-crap! C'mon get up! Let's go!"

The person that shoved me down picked me up from under my arms and began hauling me with them.

Once I realized what was going on, I dug my heels into the ground, skidding to a stop and halting the person holding on to me.

"What's going on?"

"Can't explain. Keep running."

The guy looked at me for a slight second.

"Look they'll catch you too if you don't keep running with me."

"Who?"

Five palace guards turned the corner. "Hey!"

"Them," he grabbed my arm,"run!"

I stumbled forward before catching up with him.

He turned down an alleyway and cut into a small pub that barely anyone was in.

He ran to the back with me and pushed me into a closet.

"I don't even know who you are and-"

"Shh!"

He covered my mouth with his hand.

We waited. I heard heavy boots come near the door. My heart began racing. I looked at the boy that wanted me at fault with him.

The boots faded away.

I pushed his hand off my mouth. "Are you crazy? You tallied a total stranger along with you!" I whispered.

"And you went along with it," he said out loud. He opened the door casually and stepped out.

I followed him.

"Are you at least going to give me your name?"

He walked past the bar and set down a few credits on the counter. He probably knew the bartender that let him hide.

"I don't need to give you anything."

"You knocked me over."

He groaned. "Fine, as long as you'll never tell a soul you saw me."

"Okay."

"Ky," he scanned his eyes over me before smirking. "What about you, Princess?"

"I'm Padmé."

He raised his eyebrows. "Interesting name."

He smiled then walked out. My heart skipped a beat.

"Wait, Ky, I-"

He turned around, looking me in the eyes. His eyes were dark, almost black yet mysterious, like those in my dream.

"What?" He said.

"Nothing it's just... Beautiful eyes."

He looked down and ran a hand through his blond hair. "Look, you're cute and all but I've got reservations for someone else."

I folded my arms. "Trust me, I don't care. I was going to ask where I could find-"

He began laughing. "You don't ask anything on Naboo. You should already know. It's so obvious you're not from here."

"What?"

He gestured at my body. "Look at your outfit. I'm not even sure what planet you're from with that getup."

I looked away from him. He was right though. Even this guy was wearing nicer clothes.

"Look, when you're trying to run away, at least try to dress as a native so you're better camouflaged and they can't find you."

I began walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"The markets."

He laughed before tagging along.

* * *

"This is great. Try it on."

He handed me a two-piece outfit. I held it up and shook my head.

"No. No. I can't."

"You won't know if you like if you don't try it."

I rolled my eyes and took it from him. I'm sure I'm just his eye candy, his doll for the day before he goes back to his other girl or girls.

"You didn't have to come you know? Why were those guys chasing you anyway?"

I slid the crop top on as well as the connected wrist bangle at the end. I brought the skirt up to my hips and laced up the sandals.

"It's hard to get nice things around here."

"So you were stealing?"

"In a sense."

The two piece was a creamy color with golden hoops as accessories. Everyone on Naboo had extra decoration on their clothes. There was soft gold fabric that crisscrossed at the stomach. It wasn't as bad as I thought.

I stepped out. "Okay, how does it look? I'm not sure I put it on right."

He turned around. "...Uh no it looks fine."

I nodded and we paid.

I looked up at him. He was looking straight forward.

"Ky?"

"Yeah?"

"I ran away for a reason."

"Isn't there always a reason?"

I grabbed the straps of my bag. "I guess."

We kept walking in silence.

"Are going to tell me?"

"Oh right. Well um I feel held back from my family and my grandmother keeps pushing me to get married-"

"Wait how old are you?"

"I-I'm nineteen."

He looked down at me for a second before looking straight ahead. "Okay. You're still a little young."

"I don't care really."

I stopped walking. Ky noticed after a few seconds and turned around.

"What's wrong?"

I knew that sound. I looked up at the man in front of me with horror.

It was the screaming ship that only came during times of total anarchy. A TIE fighter.

I grabbed his hand. "Now you run with me!"

"What's going on?" He shouted, "what is it?!"

"My dad!" I yelled back.

I began taking down my hair as I was running. He might recognize me if I had my hair up.

At least there was only one, so far.

No one was reacting but us. TIE fighters usually surveyed areas then left. Us running probably didn't help our situation.

I yanked Ky by his shirt into a doorway.

"What?"

"If we run we're obvious."

He nodded and smiled. "Turn around."

"Why-"

He spun me around and began playing with my hair, taking down the rest of it. He put a small bun in my hair and left the rest down.

"There."

I turned back around and he fixed the front of my hair.

"Your hair is so long."

"Yeah, I know."

"I like it."

I felt my cheeks get hot and looked up.

Four more flew over our head.

"C'mon!"

Xach grabbed my hand and bolted. "They already saw us! Maybe even before we started running!"

"Where are we going, my ship is that way!"

"I have a better one!"

I looked up and a Fighter was on us.

"Move!"

They began blasting at us. Xach shoved me to the ground, landing on top of me.

"Okay, let's go." He picked me up and we kept running. Now people were running and joining us in the frenzy.

We ran to a hangar that had multiple ships.

"Which one?"

"The black one."

I ran to it. It looked very familiar. It was a command shuttle.

He ran in after me.

"Where'd you get this?"

"I stole it!"

"From where?!"

"A museum. Where do you think?"

The hangar opened above us and we took off.

I sat in the copilot seat.

"Go into lightspeed."

"I can't. The hyperdrive isn't working."

I leaned over him and turned off a few things and yanked a few wires.

He stared at me as I sat back down.

He flipped the switch to lightspeed and we took off.

"How did you do that?"

I shrugged. "My mom is very mechanical."

"Huh."

I looked over and pressed the button to turn on the shields. Hopefully they couldn't track us.

"Where are we going, your highness?"

I looked over at him and rolled my eyes.

"What? You are named after the Queen of Naboo. It only makes sense you returned there. Stop making such obvious choices."

I rubbed my arms and sat back.

"Oh don't pout."

"I didn't mean to go there... Something just told me to go there."

His eyes bulged before he burst out laughing.

"Something told you! That's rich!"

"I'm serious."

He stopped laughing. "What do you have the Force or whatever?"

"Actually I do."

"Wait what?"

He took us out of light speed and put it on autopilot.

"Okay, explain."

"Both my parents are very strong Force users."

"Who are your parents?" He put an arm over his chair.

"Ben Organa Solo and Rey-"

"Wait your father...is Ben Solo?!"

I nodded my head.

"Wait! Why wouldn't you want the life he's given you? He's such a great, successful-"

"Stop it! He's not. You don't know one thing about my father, alright? I'm done answering questions."

He dropped his head. "You sound like a spoiled brat."

I stood in my seat. "I didn't want your help! You're the one that brought me into this!"

He stood up as well.

"Fine, do you wanna go back?!"

My lip twitched. "Yes actually."

"You're fucking crazy." He turned the ship around. "People would kill for the life you have and you just want to throw it away because you feel like shit. Stop being a whiny teenager for once."

I folded my arms. No one could understand how I personally feel because they're not me.

He landed the ship on the outskirts of the main city we were just in.

I didn't even want to take a second look at this guy so I just walked off the ship. The TIE fighters seemed to have followed us outside the planet but not back in.

"You're really just going to walk away from this?"

Ky followed me out.

"I said I don't need your help." I shook my head and kept walking down the hill.

"No, but you sure as hell want it."

I stopped. I heard his boots press into the grass as he approached me.

His fingertips brushed away the fly away hairs on my neck.

"I don't think me bumping into you was an accident."

A chill ran through my body.

He dropped his fingers and bit his lip.

"I know a good place to eat. Come on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry to those of you reading! GLITCHES ARE A PAIN**

* * *

"What're you expecting to do? From what you're telling me, I'd just kill this guy. He sounds like a punk bitch."  
I took a sip from the bright pink drink he ordered me. It buzzed on my tongue with each swallow.  
"I guess you could say that."

"Padmé."

When he said my name like that, my heart skipped a beat.

"What do you want out of this? You feel the Dark Side, this guy gets everything, your parents don't get it. What do you want?"

It saddened me when I realized no one has really asked me what I wanted. "I want to prove them wrong. I want to show them what I can do."

Ky smiled before gulping down the rest of his drink.

* * *

The older man that let us hide earlier had apartments above the bar./div

Ky supposedly owned one of them. /div

"We can stay here until you get an idea. Besides that, I'm going to bed."

"Wait. I have a plan."

"Is it a good plan?"

I paused. "I have a plan."

* * *

We spent all night plotting that when I woke up, I was leaning against his shoulder and he was resting on me as well.  
My eyes shot open and I scooted away, remembering his reservations.

* * *

I got into another getup, one that was more business like. I got to wear dark boots and pants with more like a coat that cut off in the front but dragged in the back. I pinned the front of my hair up and followed Xach to where we said we would start.  
/"I'm so nervous. What if we fail?"

He grabbed my wrist. "What if we don't?"

We began walking up the steps of the palace.

I stopped midway. I was feeling anxious; I thought I might keel over because of my quickened heart rate.

He turned around realizing I wasn't behind him.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just the stupid-"

He began walking down to me.

"No you're not, okay? Look, sometimes to get what we want, where we want, we have to do things that scare us."

Ilooked up at him. He was right.

He held out a hand and I reached out and took it, letting him guide me up to the palace doors.

He told me there were new guards every hour so no one would recognize him.

"State your business."

"Emergency business with the Queen concerning the First Order. I'm Padmé Daylia Solo."

The two guards looked me over my shoulder at Ky. Their faces were quizzical. I waved my hand subtly.

They stood up straighter.

"Of course, miss."

We walked in with ease and I squealed once the doors shut.

"Ha! We did it, we're in!"

"Hush. That wasn't the hard part."/div

The hard part was about to begin.

* * *

"Queen Hyda will meet you now."

I guess with being a queen, you always had to wear concealing makeup and heavy garments.

Once we were in her presence, we bowed.

"My lady, may I request a private audience?"  
She looked around at her court and guards. I was ready to use another mind trick until she said, "Leave us."

This was already too easy.

"I have a problem I was hoping you and your allies could fix. If not, I would need to use some, well aggressive negotiation if you will."

The queen only flicked her makeup covered eyes at me. "What do you want?"

"You know my father, my lady, and it turns out the First Order is a big lie. They are willing to go back to their old ways."

Ky stepped in."Ma'am, it is rumored that Kylo Ren is also coming back."

My eyes widened but I tried to hide my reaction.

"They may be considering to take over Naboo. After all, Kylo Ren was fond of this planet. I would declare war against them. Get them before they get you."

The queen had a tight expression."How do I know to believe this?"

"I'm Commander Solo's daughter. I know the First Order like the back of my hand."

She nodded. "I understand your concerns. I'll begin a call with my allies and see what I can do. Please stay in the palace quarters as you wait."

* * *

We were given a room that was probably the size of my house.

Ky laughed and pulled me to him, pushing his lips on mine quickly.

"Can't believe that worked." He stepped away still smiling. He. Just. Kissed. Me.

"Now we just get to watch everything fall into place."

He sat in a chair like he owned the place.

Irubbed my lips. "Hey, Ky, why did you mention Kylo Ren?"

"Well why not? He might actually come back from this. I wasn't lying."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Yes you were."

His smile faltered. "What?"

"Well, Kylo Ren is a myth."

His smile fell as he stood up slowly.

"He's a myth? He's a myth."

He began laughing before walking towards me. I started stepping back until I hit a side table.

"If he's a myth then tell me why I saw this masked monster slaughter my whole family! He called the order as he walked away."  
He was so close as he yelled in my face. I looked away, panicking.  
"I had to watch them all get murdered. My father screamed for me to run before he was killed. I still hear his damn voice in my head. Twenty years later and it still gives me nightmares."  
He shook his head and turned away. "If I ever find out who he is and see his damn face...I hope I do so I can see the light leave his eyes when I kill him."

The way he spoke made the creature of darkness awaken in my mind. It overwhelmed me so much that I fell to the ground.

* * *

Crackling woodnearby woke me up. I threw off the blankets that were on me. "Guess what princess? You're daddy-o threatened every single planet in the Galaxy if they didn't give you up. He started a war himself. Oh yeah, and all the hidden  
haters of the First Order way back when, started up again. So now their are uproars and fights going on all because of you. As well as Naboo and its allies declaring war on the First Order."  
I walked over to him as he poured himself a small glass of some type of alcohol.  
"At least you have something under your whim. What are your next orders Commander?"


	5. Chapter 5

It would be an understatement to say I looked different. I transformed. It had been over two weeks and still no one has found my location.

So far, no matter how hard anyone fights to kill me or kidnap me, no one prevails.

I was bowed to and commended just for watching the fall, for beginning a lie. For some awful reason, I loved it.

During the day, I made battle arrangements to make sure I wouldn't be taken. At night, I sat on the palace roofs, shooting any passerby that may or may not be a stormtrooper. Who cares? I was protecting the power inside.

My new wardrobe consisted of long black, flowing dresses with a black cape and Ky at my arm.

My head screamed so much it began to burn through my whole body until eventually I became numb to it.

I created my own Darkness andI was reveling in its impurity with Ky.

* * *

I came back to our room exhausted one night.

"How is my darling woman doing?"

I smiled through my dark lipstick.

"I just ordered another set towards Jakku."

Ky smiled. "Perfect."

I fell onto the bed and took off my heels. My dress fell around me.

"Do you think they know yet?"

"They should by now."

Ky got on top of me, smiling. "I'm so proud of you."

His lips teased against mine before he pushed down with full force. My nails combed his hair.

We both jumped when we heard a pounding on the door.

Ky looked back then shrugged before lowering his mouth on mine again.

"Open up!"

I recognized that type of muffled voice.

I pushed him off of me and sat up.

Ky covered my mouth and whispered,

"We have to leave."

I nodded. The only way out was through the window. He opened it and looked out. We were stories up.

I looked to the side and noticed vines growing next to us. I tapped his shoulder.

"Let me go first. They may not be sturdy." He reached for them and began climbing down.

"Okay, come on," he called out.

I walked over to it but my arm didn't seem quite long enough to reach it. I heard voices muffled under a helmet. They blasted the door and I flinched. Just a little more!

I heard them running in as I caught on. I began climbing down but I wasn't fast enough. My dress got caught on a twig.

"Padmé jump! I'll catch you!" I looked down. He was so far but I was so slow.

I looked up and there he was. Not a stormtrooper but something unrecognizable. A monster. The black hooded figure was looking right at me. The mask covered his face.

"Padmé!"

I let go of the vines. The masked figure reached out to me as I fell. And for some reason, something in me told me to take his hand but I didn't.

Ky caught me and helped me back to my feet. "Go!"

I couldn't feel my legs. I was paralyzed with fear.

Once we made it to a clearing, he slowed down.

"That's him. That's Kylo Ren."

I've never been so afraid in my life. He must've reached out to me since my father wanted me. He must've ordered him to come after me.

The town we were in just this morning was on fire.

"This is my fault."

"No it's not. People had refueled hate for the First Order that is being brought back. You were just the trigger."

I wiped my cheek that was wet with tears.

I shook my head. This wasn't what I wanted. But isn't this what I've been doing for weeks? Now that I see everything on fire, I realized no one could save me.

Ky grabbed my elbow as he pulled me farther away from the chaos.

"It'll all end soon and you can get your little vengeance."

* * *

Within this mess, no one was paying attention to anything. Ky managed to steal yet another ship.

I sat in the passenger seat quietly.

"Hey. Don't look like that. You wanted to make a difference right? Well now you have."

I kept staring out the window.

How could he say such things? I shook my head. Maybe it's just me.

There wasn't anywhere safe anymore.

I told him to stay in autopilot for awhile so we could rest. The ship had a seating area for extra passengers but that was it.

I sat down and put my face in my hands.

"This was such a bad idea."

I heard Ky sit down next to me, putting an arm over my shoulder.

"Maybe this is a good thing."

The Dark side was just taunting me. I'm not strong enough for either side.

"I mean, you get to learn a little and so does your family. I mean definitely your dad. Sending out a psychopath isn't a great-"

I lifted my head. "Okay."

He sighed. "Padmé, you need to relax. Look at me."

"Hm?"  
His lips were pressing on mine once my face turned. This kiss was soft, and felt genuine.  
He turned his body to me, entangling his fingers in my hair. His other hand was trying to find an open piece of the fabric to feel my bare skin in the palm of his hand. My shoulders and thighs were the only vulnerable parts.  
His fingers massaged my thigh. Everything he did was perfectly coordinated. I moaned as his tongue teased against my lips and his hand grabbed at the underside of my leg.  
Something powerful pulled inside me, causing me to hold him closer.  
A beeping in the cockpit caught my attention.

I pushed away and looked over at the noise.

"What's that?"

His eyes darted to the sound before he stood up.

"We have company."

"Go into lightspeed."

"Working on it!"

A new ship was following us other than just TIE fighters.

My father's shuttle.

"Ky..."

I heard him messing with the buttons as his ship got closer.

Kylo Ren flashed behind my eyes and I fell back.

"Ky!"

I scrambled to my feet.

"Got it!"

The second I stood up I just fell back again as we went into lightspeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm trying to make some serious cliffhangers (pun intended) is it working? *fingers crossed***

* * *

We landed on a very unrecognizable planet.

"Where are we?"

There were islands in the distance. We weren't really on a beach since it was very rocky and the water came in slow.

"Outer Rim."

The ramp was let down and Ky was the one to make the orders now.

"Follow me."

We trekked up a hill until we were on a cliff side. A small hut was at the bottom of it which I was eventually brought to.

"Stay here. I'll bring back more recruits that'll help us."

I nodded before I was left alone. The dress I wore that represented my power was now tattered, burned, and muddy.

I sat down on the ground, only having this small roof as protection. I was petrified from the sight I saw. I hugged my knees and began rocking back and forth, waiting.

* * *

For as cold and scared as I was, I managed to sleep. I woke up to thunder and lightning. Ky still wasn't back. I yawned and stretched before looking out.

I couldn't see far because of the sudden rain so I was alone with my thoughts.

There was a flash of lightning and I saw a masked figure.

My breath caught in my throat as I ducked. I hid the Force. My mind is playing tricks on me. When I peeked out, he was gone.

I heard a crackle bounce off the walls around me. My heart stopped and I couldn't feel anything anymore. This can't be happening.

I spun around and there he was.

A dark, masked figure.

His lightsaber was something from a memory. I've seen it once before...it bothers me that I couldn't place where. It didn't matter now. This memory has become a nightmare.

I began stepping away but my back hit a wall. I had to go towards him to leave.

I almost choked on the fear that lumped in my throat.

He began stepping towards me.

I looked around and saw a glint of my lightsaber hilt on the ground. I held out my hand and it flew to my palm.

He held up his hand, restraining me from further movement.

No, he won't control me. No one will ever control me again.

My body shook as I pushed him out.

I could tell he was struggling.

I had more power fueled in me than he ever would. I hated more things.

His hand dropped and I spun around, elbowing him in the chest and hooking my leg around his ankle, yanking.

He fell on his back with a hard thud.

I hopped over him and ran out into the pounding rain.

"There she is!"

"Yeah, that's the girl!"

I turned around. Were those the recruits Ky was talking about?

I began running towards them.

They had blasters on them and it made me regret not having one.

I slid to a stop when I realized they were pointing them at me.

"I'm gonna get loaded!"

I'm going to die either way.

I started walking backward before turning to an all out run.

I looked behind me as I heard them starting to shoot.

Kylo Ren stepped in front of me and I screamed, falling back.

He looked down at me with his hand outstretched in front of him.

I sat up in disbelief.

The shots that were fired at me were stopped in midair and sent back to the men that fired them, killing them both.

Of course. He wants me alive to bring me back to my dad.

My clothes were muddy and heavy as they stuck to my skin.

"I'm never going back!" I yelled over the rain so he would hear me.

"Especially not with you!"

I ran uphill, as far as I could away from him where I felt a familiar and safe Force energy.

When I got to the top, I noticed to people struggling with each other in the rain.

I ran up a little farther.

It was Xach and Ky.

Ky punched Xach in the face, causing him to drop his lightsaber which flung over to where I stood.

I picked it up before getting closer.

"Ky!"

They both looked over and stopped for a second.

I heard Kylo's lightsaber swinging behind me.

"Ky let's go!"

Xach glared at me and I sent a fiery gaze right back at him.

"Padmé, don't listen to him!"

They were so close to the edge.

Xach pushed Ky away and walked closer to me.

"We can work this out, just come with me."

I hated him so much. He outstretched a hand to me.

I dropped his saber and shook my head, taking small steps back.

"Padmé, this isn't you-"

"And how would you know who I am?"

He swallowed, glancing over his shoulder at Kylo Ren who was now behind him.

I shivered. He was working with him.

"How could you?! You're working with him! I knew you hated me but I didn't know how much."

"I can explain everything just come-"

Xach took a step forward and I took one back. That was one too many.

The mud gave way under my foot. I screamed out.

Xach's eyes bulged as he tried to catch me.

Ky ran over to me, reaching out.  
I was falling hundreds of feet down into water.  
I felt my heart stop as I squeezed my eyes shut, reaching for nothing but air to save me. I couldn't hear anything as the sound of the water grew louder.  
I never learned how to swim.  
I've always tried swimming but I would get scared the second my head went under water.  
I plunged into the dark water, trying to escape. It might as well have been syrup.  
Every time I tried to move up, I fell farther down.  
No, it can't end this way.  
I need air. My lungs began burning from holding my breath for so long.  
I let my body slip down as water filled into my mouth.

* * *

My hand was over my stomach and my cheek was pressed into something firm yet covered in cold, damp fabric but that's not what woke me up.

The crunch of damp, dead leaves and nimble twigs under heavy boots and a cool wind on my face is what made my eyes twitch. The breeze was freezing and my body felt heavy.

I raised my hand up that was over my stomach and felt something hard and warm under the cold.

It wasn't raining anymore.

My eyelids were heavy but I had to open them.

I was in someone's arms. I didn't want to leave. "Ky, where are we going?" I mumbled, curling my body closer to him.

He stopped walking and my body hit the ground.

I stood up quickly, whipping out my lightsaber.

"What the hell-!"

I can't go back. "Xach."

I began stepping away from him.

His mouth was tight and his expression was hard with anger.

I saw him reaching for his saber and I tightened mine in my hand.

I took the first swing with one arm. He held up his saber with both hands.

I hit from left to right as he stepped back.

"What're you doing?!" He yelled.

I spun around, hitting him hard enough to make him fall.

I should kill Xach right now. He was on the ground and hopeless. He would make fun of me when my energy was negative. Now look at me.

"Padmé!"

I whipped my head up to the sound of my name through the trees.

He got everything. He wasn't allowed to get me. I began running. I didn't get that far.

His arms wrapped around my waist as he hauled me up into the air.

"No!"

I was beating against Xach's arm.

"Let me go dammit!"

"You're coming with me."

What was nearby? I had to think fast.

There was a good size rock I saw when he turned me around.

I picked it up with the Force and threw it as his head. He let go of me as he fell to the ground.

I ran as far as I could to Ky. I couldn't find a way out.

When I saw who was with him, I stumbled back, falling on the ground.

Kylo Ren had his hand outstretched to Ky, his face contorted in pain.

Once I fell, he dropped his hand, turning his body to me and igniting his saber.

He's going to kill me.

I stayed on the ground. I need to move.

He was close.

Why aren't I moving?!

His saber burned bright red in front of my face.

"Padmé."

He knows my name. Of course he does. My father sent him after me.

I scrambled back up and ignited my saber in my hands.

"Padmé, go home."

He was the monster I would see in my dreams.

"I don't want to fight you."

Kylo Ren turned his head slowly towards Ky who was inching his way towards me. My skin crawled, goosebumps hiking up my body.

"Did you know if you didn't start this game, the queen would've started it herself? She needed no incentive. You justified her wishes. You're the heir to the First Order, Padmé."

I stepped up, tears burning my cheeks as they fell. "Stop saying my name like you know me! You're nothing but a monster!"

He dropped his hood back.

What is he doing? He's going to kill me no matter what.

He began reaching for his well-constructed mask. It clicked and hissed as he took it off.


	7. Chapter 7

"No..." My throat got very tight. "No."

I was living in a dream, or was it a nightmare?

I wanted to puke but nothing would come out.

My father stared me straight in the face.

"You. No. Please don't tell me it's true. Dad!"

My heart ached in my chest. The man I grew up with was a blatant liar. I thought he was good. He told me he was good!

I collapsed to the ground sobbing.

"Sweet-"

"Don't!"

My energy was boiling. I didn't want to be here. I just wanted to be buried alive where no one could find me.

"Why? You killed so many people."

I felt him reach for me but stopped as I held my arm up, squeezing my hand in front of his neck.

My anger was a storm that overpowered his calm.

I stood up, still holding him.

"I hate you for this."

My fingers trembled as I held on tighter.

"We should go," Ky grabbed my arm and I let go of my hold. My father was gasping for breath.

My lip twitched as I began walking away.

"He's using you. Padmé."

I stopped and spun around. The Darkness crept.

"You think you have the audacity to talk to me after you've lied to me my whole life?"

My father got on his feet. "I'm serious."

Ky tugged my arm. I glancedat him before shrugginghim off.

"I searched his mind before you came. He knew exactly who you were since day one. That's why he ran into you. Once you got him the power, he wanted the vengeance. All he ever wanted was the money out of contacted Xach and told him you  
were plotting to kill him. He was expecting Xach to overpower you and take you out. That's why Xach came here. Not to kill you, but kill him. Xach trusts you Padmé."

I pointed my lightsaber at him once again.

Xach has hated me since we were young.

"I don't believe you."

Except in some way I knew it was true. I could feel it.

My arm shook.

No I have to strike him, he deserves it.

My body went limp and I dropped my saber. The world around me faded.

* * *

Why have I been waking up in unfamiliar places lately?

The room was red all around with blue and gold linings around the walls.

The bed I was in was big but not as big as the one in Naboo.

I sat up. Where was anyone?

My head felt light. I almost wanted to lay back down but my anxiousness kept me upright.

I heard the doorknob jiggle as someone opened it.

I yanked a pillow from behind me.

Xach walked in with a glass of water.

"You're awake."

I threw the pillow at his face but he moved it away with a wave of his hand.

I never wanted to see him again.

He set the water next to me then sat at the end of my bed.

I let my thought be spoken. "You're the reason I left, the reason all this started. If you never came into my life, everything would be fine."

"No it wouldn't. This would've started up one way or another."

He rubbed the back of his head where I hit him with the rock.

"Where's Ky?"

He dropped his hand, gripping the bedside. "Does it matter? He betrayed you Padmé."

I got up and left the room. It's not true.

"So you still care for him after what he's done? He wants you dead."

I kept walking, not knowing where I was going.

"What, are you in love with him or something?"

I stopped. Xach's chest bumped into my back.

"Can you stop? You've done enough. I need answers alright?"

He looked away and bit his lip. I hate how he towered over me.

"I'll take you to him."

I followed his silent footsteps down the hall.

We came into what looked like a conference room. Ky was sitting in a chair. My father, mother, and also grandmother were there.

I looked closely at Ky and saw sweat dripping down his face.

"It's all true Padmé. He wants the reward," my father announced.

"What reward?"

Ky lifted his head from the back of the chair. Cuffs held his wrists down. "You're daddy is right. Since the heir to the First Order lives, the price to take her out is huge."

My arms tightened around my body.

"But Padmé listen. I gave that up, after that night. That first night we kissed. I forgot everything."

My blood spiked in my body. He had to say that in front of everyone.

I looked over at my mom since I knew she wouldn't react as badly. She shook her head and looked down. So this was my fault. Xach had his hands balled in fists as he stared at the wall.

Once again I was just the big disappointment. I let myself be played. I'm such an idiot.

I rubbed my forehead before running out.

Xach grabbed my arm as I started out.

"Padmé."

I glared at him with tears in my eyes. "I never wanted to come back, especially not to you. This is all your fault."

I yanked my arm out of his grip and left this time.

I went all the way down the hall until I found double doors leading outside.

What I saw when I opened the doors relaxed me.

Flowers of almost every color were glowing, reflecting the light of the moon.

It almost beckoned me. It was a Force sensitive area. I walked towards it, feeling the purity of the Force run through my body.

I sat in the middle of the grass and began meditating on my thoughts, trying to make sense of this.


	8. Chapter 8

**A lot of discussion about** ** _feelings._** **This can only turn out one way.**

* * *

It was what felt like a few hours before I felt another surge of soft Force energy. I opened my eyes and saw Xach mirroring position in front of me.

I scowled and jumped on top of him, pinning his shoulders down.

His eyes were wide.

"You ruined everything! Everything was perfect!"

He rolled over so that he was on top, restraining me. I turned my face the other way with a scowl.

"Look at me, Padmé."

I huffed and faced him.

"He betrayed you. He. Betrayed. You. Don't punish me because your boyfriend is an ass."

I pouted but he was right.

My expression softened. I felt like crying. Ky was using me to benefit himself. He never cared. How many women did it take for him again?

For once my head wasn't screaming in darkness and pain.

Xach rubbed his thumbs on my wrists as he looked at a flower next to him, memorizing the details.

"I knew you cared but I didn't know how much."

He rolled off me. My shoulder pressed against his. His breathing was even and a dark Jedi braid peaked under his ear.

I bit back a smile, remembering our good times, though there were few. Maybe Ky was right. Maybe if I wasn't so selfish I could see things differently. We sat there in silence for a bit.

"I felt nothing." _I was just acting on useless Dark Side impulse._ Except I would never tell him that.

I picked a flower and twirled it in my fingers.

"Then it wasn't meant to be."

I sat up and looked at him. He had his eyes closed. "Guess not. Maybe the Force is telling me something. I guess I won't get married."

He shot up with wild eyes. "What?"

I giggled. "Well, maybe."

I stared at the little flower. Tears burned my eyes. "I'm sorry it's just been so much to take in."

He gave me a look of...concern.

"I'm sorry Padmé. I was shocked when I found out too. He thought if he didn't tell you, it would keep you from the Dark side. You already had...tendencies."

I shook my head. "It's not just that." I mean, it was. My parents had a secret that may or may not have led to, this, now chaos.

I felt like this is the first conversation I've ever held with Xach without one of us walking away angry.

Damn me and my selfish ways. "Xach, you deserve happiness."

"You act like you don't."

My eyes were on the flower in my hands.

My fingers gripped the flower before I darted my eyes up at him.

"Don't you dare think I'm a good person. I was born to make others suffer."

Xach sighed before standing and taking off his robe. I thought he was going to leave. Surprisingly, he wrapped it around my shoulders.

"You looked cold," he mumbled.

I was watching him in disbelief.

Why is he-

He took the flower out of my fingers and tucked it in my hair above my ear.

I felt the temperature of my ears rise above normal from his gentle touch.

"You're a total pain in the ass. Except whoever loves you enough will marry you and you will be happy.

Even though you're a pain in the ass."

My smile dropped and I rolled my eyes. "Thanks," I said sarcastically.

"Padmé."

I looked over at Xach.

His features were drawn out from the moonlight.

My heart was racing just looking at him. He was gorgeous.

He said something but I didn't hear. My lips were tempted to touch his. I was trembling. No wonder he thought I was cold. My eyes returned to his and they were so dark and deep.

He had... "Beautiful eyes."

"What?"

I shook my head and looked away. "Nothing, you just have...nice eyes."

He swallowed and stood up. "I should go."

Why am I so awkward? He'd never feel the same.

"Wait. Can you just stay a little while longer?"

He sighed but sat back down.

After a while he broke the silence. "You know how terrified I was when you left? I thought-well I thought a lot of things actually."

"You were worried about me?"

He looked away from me. "Of course I was. With how reckless you are, anyone would be."

I laughed.

We spoke through the night as if we've never spoken before.

"Xach?"

"Do you think you know who you'll marry yet?" He goes out on the daily, I'm sure he's met someone. I remember one day when we waited for my dad to get out of a meeting a few years back, a girl in the lobby wouldn't stop flirting with him. I only remember  
/because it made me so mad.

I spoke with my eyes closed. Xach let me use his Jedi robe as a pillow.

"Yes."

My eyes shot open. "Really? What is she like?"

He chuckled. "She's very stubborn, beautiful, but passionate. I've known her for so long."

I was gone. His voice was fading me away.

"Lucky her..."

Something soft brushed into my mind like never before.

The garden let us rest easy.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm not dead I promise! Just a lot of things happening right now**

* * *

Voices from my parents, the light of the rising sun, and Xach's body as well as his lips on my forehead woke me. One arm held me around my shoulders, holding me to his body.

"I thought he said she wouldn't know."

"Ben. Shut up."

My eyes were open a slit.

"They remind me of us when we first fell in love. Remember Ach-To?"

My dad grumbled. My eyes shot open when I realized they were reminiscing their love story.

I pushed him away and he woke up as well.

"Sorry," I got up quickly, walking back inside.

I followed my memory back to my door.

It clicked with the touch of my finger. I walked inside and fell on the bed.

I never want to feel that way again, especially when I know my feelings won't be reciprocated.

I changed into a gray tank top and some pants with a blaster holster. There was a clip for my lightsaber which I picked up immediately.

There was a hard knock on my door that made me jump out of my skin.

I was forcefully turned around as my arm twisted behind my back. I could use the Force right now except whenever I do use it, I lose control.

I felt cool metal touch my throat.

"You're coming with me," Ky whispered against my ear.

* * *

I knew by taking a ship I'd be followed except I went to the only place I knew. I went home.

Ky was watching my every move. I didn't dare say a word.

I landed in front of the house I grew up in. I wish I could just go back and start over.

"Go inside."

His voice startled me. I could've killed him by now but I'm trying to maintain myself.

I got up and began walking towards the front door.

"Padmé! Move!"

I looked over my shoulder.

The second I did, an explosion went off.

The impact pushed me to the ground.

I felt wood and glass hit my entire body.

My ears were ringing and my vision was fuzzy as I got up.

My home, my childhood, was burning and broken before me.

Blood ran down my cheek.

I stumbled through the smoke say it burned my eyes.

Glass crunched under my boots. Xach was lying on the ground, not too far from Ky.

I wiped at my cheek before pointing my saber down at Xach.

He opened his eyes, looking at me in disbelief. I brought my finger to my lips.

I walked over to Ky who was trying to get up but failing.

He looked up at me. "I can explain-"

I kicked him in his side. He fell on his back, wincing.

I stomped my heel onto his shoulder and he cried out before I pointed the tip of my saber to his neck. "Talk before I slice your head off."

He was trying to catch his breath, words mingling in the air. "I wanted to prove to you what's going on. They're targeting anyone they could get to. What if your parents walked in there?"

My face didn't change even though the thought of seeing them dead turned my stomach.

"I do care. Didn't you feel something when we kissed?"

No. I didn't. I got off him and he stood.

A smile worked on his lips before he reached out to embrace me. I let him before punching him in the gut. He hunched over on me.

"Don't ever use me again."


	10. Chapter 10

**Yes I'm alive and so isthis fic ;)**

* * *

I was huffing as sweat dripped down my neck.

"I'm. Done."

Xach lifted an eyebrow and smirked.

"Really? I'm not even close to done yet."

He lifted his arms up and threw his shirt to the ground.

My eyes stared at his newly exposed skin.

I didn't notice my breathing was uneven until he said something.

"What's the matter with you?"

I shook my head and rubbed my face.

"Nothing."

We were at the beach and the sun was barely setting on the calm waves.

I bit my lip, holding back a smile.

"It's just hot."

I took off my shirt and pants. My ponytail whipped on my back.

"Much better. Okay let's go."

I looked over at him and he still had the same expression. I guess I have no sex appeal.

Back to Ky.

"Pick up your lightsaber."

I did so.

He got behind me and angled my arms and legs. The feelings of his hands running down my arms and his chest on my back gave me chills.

He picked up his saber and ignited it and so did I.

"Left and down. Now up. No up. Okay go right. Spin and down."

He nodded when I looked up at him.

"Let's go faster."

He whispered that like a secret, making my heart beat faster.

I heard his words in my head as I did move faster.

Once I spun and hit down, his back was on the sand.

I stood over him and turned off my saber.

I began walking away but he caught my legs and I fell back.

"Hey!"

Xach was laughing so hard he held his stomach.

"You're an idiot!" I said through a smile.

We both sat up laughing.

"You're too easy to tease."

His word choices sucked.

I looked away and played with the white sand.

"What's wrong?"

I turned my body to the water, my legs under me. I felt his hand run up and down my back.

I looked over at him and there was worry and warmth in his eyes.

I tried to look away but he was so mesmerizing.

I couldn't believe how much I wanted him. After all these years, and I can't see myself without him. I want to tell him but I don't want to be rejected. Besides, why now? Why is it him so suddenly?

My mouth spoke faster than my mind.

"Xach."

His forehead touched on mine. I felt his fingertips drag up my arm. Force, I was reacting to him.

"Hm?"

He moved his face and his cheek brushed against mine. That made it harder to speak. My back arched, pushing myself closer to him.

"I want you to know that I-"

"Hey you guys!"

I pushed him away before standing.

"Ky."

I tucked a stray hair behind my ear in embarrassment. What did he see?

* * *

My grandmother would report on new riots either on the same planet or a different one. I didn't think the First Order's forces would be strong enough to handle this much chaos.

Ky had to have a constant eye on him. He wasn't allowed to leave this planet.

I was told Luke was in hiding since my entire family was on high rate of getting killed.

I dropped my face into my hands. A hand touched my shoulder.

I looked over. My mom smiled down at me. I grabbed her hand on my shoulder and sighed.

"Was it like this when you were my age mom?"

"No. It was your father that was the problem. That was an easy fix."

"I'm standing right here."

"And you're my favorite problem."

Ky, Xach, and I were just watching them play in confusion. Maybe even disgust.

My mother grabbed my dad's hand. "Padmé, watch Ky."

Xach stood up. "What about me?"

"Just stay here until that meeting."

They both left but I knew Xach wouldn't leave me alone with Ky.

Nothing but pure silence.

Ky stood up and walked over to me. I kept looking down. "Don't-"

"Don't fool yourself. You know I couldn't do anything."

His voice was so deep and hot on my ear. I felt his lips brushing against the top of my ear. I should push him away.

"We should just leave like we did before."

I felt his lips kiss my neck and linger. My body recoiled.

I pushed my chair as I turned to face him. My chest was against his.

I knew if I looked at him, he would kiss me.

Instead, I backed away, storming out.

Where was I going? He'd only be there when I came back. I felt a Force energy and turned around.

Xach was staring at me, his eyes bright.

His face was soft as he looked down.

"You feel something for him."

I shook my head. "Why does it always come to that? It's not like you care."

"I do actually." His voice was raised but he wasn't angry. His words took a second to get through my head.


	11. Chapter 11

I didn't say anything. Xach put his hands on his hips and walked in a circle.

He shook his head when he stopped and smiled. "It's kind of ridiculous because I've always had something for you. But now I realize it's too late."

I couldn't believe it. This boy, no, man was telling me he's always had feelings for me?

Xach would wake me up at the ungodly hours of the night and then keep me up late to talk about how he excelled in training. He would yell at me that I messed up his concentration or if I got upset at him, he said it was because I was a stupid little  
girl. He would go with my parents anywhere before they could ask me or I could ask them. He always made sure to be away with Luke on my birthday.

"After all these years, is that why you treated me so badly?"

"Yes. I tried to hide it as best as I could. You see, I thought you felt the same when you treated me just as badly but I guess that isn't true, is it?"

I really thought he did hate me so I just hated him back.

"Padmé." I looked up at him. His words were unbelievable.

"I don't want either of us to be hurt in the process of this fight going on, so do you have feelings for me?"

His dark eyes asked the question most are afraid to answer, even me.

I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Yes," I breathed.

He took slow steps up to me. "Do you want this to happen?" He gestured between the two of us.

I swallowed, thinking back to what happened with Ky. "Yes," I whispered again.

His face was inches from mine as he brought his hand to my face, tracing his thumb smoothly over my lips.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" He whispered on my mouth. My lips trembled, awaiting his. Both his hands held my face as he waited for my response. I heard a slight whimper and quickly realized it came from me.

I was so lost in the intensity I almost forgot to answer.

"Yes."

I felt him pull my face closer to his, his lips brushing mine, his tongue playing against my mouth.

He's fucking teasing me and it's working.

I gave an irritated groan.

I saw his smug grin before he finally decided to give in.

When he did, my great uncle burst out the door, making a grand entrance.

"Look at my two favorite Jedis!"

Xach dropped his hands and stepped away from me until he was leaning against the wall.

I wanted to be back in his arms. My body felt empty and cold.

"I should go," he mumbled. He straightened his robe and left quickly.

* * *

We were planning on going out as a mission. I was scared. How many people have already died because I'm hiding? Even if no one wanted me to do it, I'm going to fight during this excursion.

Ky and Xach both kept their eyes on me the entire time. I looked down thinking about what happened with Xach. Was I dreaming? No, his face was evidence enough I wasn't. He's such an idiot.

My dad was between me and the boys. He caught on. I panicked and looked back down, continuing to listen to my mom.

* * *

How did I know? I had to stay behind with my dad.

"One of these guys, and I think you know which one, doesn't care about you. I don't want you getting hurt."

I took a large step back. "Uh okay Dad. I'm sure I'll be fine."

If he's talking about Xach, which I'm sure he's not, then I'm sure he's totally wrong. Xach wouldn't do that to me. Or maybe I was wrong.

"This is so weird. You dating? Ugh."

"Dad! Shut up!"

* * *

Nightmares flooded my mind almost every night.

I walked out of my room and tiptoed through the cold halls.

I heard someone walking down a different hall and followed the sound.

My dad was walking with something in his hands.

"Dad?"

He spun around, holding a bowl of cookies. He looked so guilty that it made me laugh.

"Gonna share?"

* * *

We sat with our backs against the wall and our legs outstretched.

"Xach said you'd never know."

"I'd never know what?"

"That he liked you." He shook his head and bit into another cookie.

I looked down at the cookie in my hand.

"You've been having nightmares again, haven't you?"

"Who said they stopped?"

He inhaled and looked away from me for a second.

"I hate that you have this problem."

Maybe it'll go away since I have nothing else to hate... Except myself.

I nibbled at the cookie with my eyes burning.

"What are they about?"

Usually he just says he understands and walks away.

I blinked at him a few times before realizing the answer.

I shook my head as I swallowed the piece I bit off.

"Padmé, what are they about?"

His voice had more intensity. I flinched at the sound of it.

I looked up and saw the mask on him.

I shook my head causing tears to fall.

"I saw Kylo Ren. Every time, Dad."

I hid my face in my hands, afraid of his expression. His energy dissipated around me.

"I-I thought you were going to kill me."

I heard him set the bowl aside and I looked up. He put his arms around my waist, pulling me to him.

I put my arms around his neck and held tight.

His hair tickled against my cheek bringing me back to a time fifteen years ago when he would hold me in his arms and I would just fall asleep.

His voice brought me to reality. "I'd never hurt you."

I nodded on his shoulder. I could fall asleep right now. My dad has always been like a big pillow.

"Maybe you can sleep easier, hm?"

I didn't answer. He let me stay in his arms a little while longer.

* * *

I was walking back to my room when I noticed another figure in the halls. I almost thought it was my dad again.

Xach was wearing black sweatpants and a black t-shirt. I've always loved him in casual clothes.

He was outside my door with his hands in his pockets.

I saw him straighten when I came closer.

"I heard you get up but I didn't know where you went. Are you alright?"

I smiled and put my arms around his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.

"Yeah. C'mon."

He grabbed my wrists that were around his neck.

"Wait, into your room?"

I dropped my arms and opened my door, dragging him in.

"Padmé this, this isn't ri-"

I fell into bed and yanked the covers over me, patting next to me.

He stared at me for a second before climbing in next to me.

His face nuzzled into my neck as he pulled me into his body. I would not be able to sleep with the Force screaming at me.

I climbed on top of him and felt his whole body stiffen.

"What're you-"

I grabbed his hands and placed them on my thighs.

"Padmé, I really don't-"

I leaned down to his mouth.

"You should've kissed me the other day."

I saw his jaw clench.

"You know I wanted to."

"How much?"

He caught my gaze before sitting up, pressing his forehead to mine. He pulled me farther on him. I let out a shaky breath, feeling his hands run up and down my thighs.

"Padmé."

His voice chilled me to the bone.

His fingertips travelled up my spine.

He can't do this to me again. He was even staring at my lips.

"Xach," I whined.

His lips finally took in mine.

It was powerful. His hands went from my back to holding my face.

He laid back, letting me run my hand through his hair slowly.

His mouth got hotter on mine.

I wasn't going to live through this if he kept going like this.

His hands skimmed under my shirt. My skin burned to his touch.

It almost bothered me how easily I was giving in to him so quickly. I was lowering myself into him completely.

He pulled away to sit up and throw off his shirt.

"Shit," I laughed. I was on my back this time.

He dipped back down, locking my hands above my head.

This vulnerability, I wasn't used to it. I don't think I understand any of what's happening. It was almost uncomfortable and confusing.

I turned my face away and he kept pressing his mouth on me.

"Xach."

"Hm..."

"I can't do this..."

He lifted himself to look at me.

"I'm really tired," I lied.

I was too embarrassed to admit to myself the reality of it.

He rubbed my cheek before lying next to me.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

I grabbed his arm and laid my head on his shoulder.

I heard him murmur something but I was too far gone at that point.


	12. Chapter 12

I was very proud of myself to say that the temptation of the Darkness was easing away from me. I could think for once.

Xach and I had to watch Ky so in the mean time, Xach wanted to train.

"We don't know what we are up against out there. You need to be prepared, Padmé."

"I am prepared!"

"I don't mean acting out on feelings!"

I folded my arms. That's exactly what I do.

"What does it matter? There's an uprising going on! We shouldn't be playing-"

Xach pulled out his saber and charged at me.

I fell to the ground on my back before pushing my legs up and hitting him in the jaw. He stepped back and I jumped up, chopping at his neck. With that he was on the ground.

"What the-?"

I brushed myself off.

"See? Playing."

"How about you guys start throwing rocks? That'll really scare 'em," Ky laughed.

Xach didn't even look at him as he got up.

I stepped up to Xach as he caught his saber in his hand.

"Maybe you should just relax. I know it's a different situation-"

"Christina."

His eyes were fierce but so were mine.

"The Force, Xach. You have to calm down. I can feel your panic."

He blinked before nodding.

"I'm going to go get some drinks. I'll be right back."

Ky followed me out.

"I see some tension between you two. I can understand why you can't stand him."

My eyes hurt as I avoided Ky's gaze.

"Besides, you're on the Dark side right? It's not like he could be with you even if he wanted to."

Heartstrings got pulled. I never realized that.

Ky stopped in front of me and held my chin in his fingers.

"That's why you're my pretty little girl."

Ky wanted me on the Dark Side to prove that the First Order would turn back to its original ways, just so they had reason to destroy it and me.

I smiled, going along with him.

He chuckled under his breath before leaning down to kiss me.

I heard a very annoyed huff behind me. Ky and I faced the sound and my body went cold.

Xach walked up to me and pulled me away by my hand.

He yanked me into the room before Force slamming the door shut.

"This is a me and you day not me, you, and _him_."

I could feel my blush deepening.

His fingers lingered around mine until I grabbed his hand fully.

"Don't get jealous."

"I'm not jealous."

I raised an eyebrow and lifted my hand. He was so good at hiding the Force. I had to push further.

"Stop it."

I dropped my hand and rolled my eyes.

"You know where I stand so I don't know why you-"

"Do I know where you stand, really?"

I spun around to him as he walked past me. "What?"

"You're on him all the time like you want me to be jealous. It's not like I could tell anyways. You hide the Force like it's not a part of you! That's not how a normal relationship works."

I was biting the inside of my cheek and my fists were balled. "We're never going to have a normal relationship dumbass! We weren't born normal!"

Maybe I should've stayed on the Dark Side. _We weren't born normal_. We weren't supposed to be together.

"So you making out with another guy is alright when I'm standing right here?!"

He was giving me a hard scowl.

"I only go to him to give him what he deserves! If you wanted to have a normal relationship, you'd be there for me!"

We were literally yelling in each other's faces.

"Maybe I don't want a relationship with you!"

The angry tears I didn't know I was holding back finally made an appearance.

I didn't have a comeback because he was speaking the truth.

I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah. You're right. It was stupid to think someone had feelings for me. This whole thing was dumb."

Xach ran a hand through his hair

I wanted to smash a wall. I felt pangs of hurt everywhere. My blood was boiling and I couldn't hear.

"Padmé I'm sorry-"

He reached out and I stepped back before turning into a run.

I ran back down the halls and bumped into my Dad.

"Hey, hey what's the rush? What's wrong?" He was staring me down and I couldn't take it.

I broke down. "You were right Dad. You were right about everything."

He pulled me into him and pet my hair. "I know, sweetheart."

/

Xach and Ky were sitting across from each other, glaring at one another

My father walked in. Of course. Water was set out for all of us.

"Oh look at that, Padmé, Xach's here."

My father still didn't know who did what and I didn't want him to know. Him being right, especially about boys, is just weird.

Xach looked down and ran a hand through his hair. A chill ran through my body.

I sat at the opposite end of both men. Xach swallowed and looked away.

My dad sighed. "And Ky's here too," he muttered.

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"This needs to end. I'm willing to put myself out there if it means it'll stop."

All three men interjected at my idea.

"Padmé there's always another way," my dad said.

I stood up. "We can't just let everyone kill each other because of me!"

My grandmother walked in. "I have news."

"Good or bad?"

She didn't answer. "They are trying to find ways to get to Padmé," she paused.

"And?"

"It's rumored she has a lover they are trying to get to."

Xach and Ky both choked on the drink they took a sip from.

My jaw dropped and so did my father's.

/

"No I'm just saying it's easier."

My mom sighed. "You think like your father. Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's better."

I rolled my eyes.

"Look, your grandmother wants to speak to you. She's in the lobby."

I headed outside, taking the scenic route through the garden.

Xach was passing by and I felt a knife twist as I looked away.

I stopped suddenly from his strong grip on my arm.

"You didn't tell me if you had a lover."

My mind raced. Do I tell him a lie or the truth?

"You never asked."

He let go of me. "Padmé I-"

I kept walking.

I can't let my emotions run wild. I have to look to the Force and accept what is. That's the path he chose and I'm finding mine.

I heard footsteps running behind me. "Leave me alone, Xach."

Ky caught up to me.

"I'm no Xach but I guess I am a lover."

My face burned.

"I need to talk to you about that."

I felt a surge of the Force run through me but it quickly went away.

I shuddered.

"Look, I wanted to be with you because of what we've been through but I just don't think I can-"

"You still feel unsteady because of what I've done."

I looked down. _No I want Xach. I wanted him to be my lover._

"Yes. Exactly."

He kissed the side of my mouth. "I'll be waiting."

I have a sigh of relief once he was out of earshot.

I finally made it across the hall with no more interruptions. My grandmother was waiting for me with nothing but bad news.


End file.
